Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
