I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
