I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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