Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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