I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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