How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
