You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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