im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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