One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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