his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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