I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize