Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
