i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
