so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize