office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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