I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
