I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
