i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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