Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
