And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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