please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
