rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
