He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
