Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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