I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
