I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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