I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
