Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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