my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize