just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
