I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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