This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just had sex bonerless
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
