Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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