Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
