I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize