I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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