so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
should my penis look like a turkey
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
