Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
