Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
