apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
