Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
