I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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