Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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