Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
