Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Life is so much better after having sex.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
