Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
