Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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