those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
