I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
