3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
