im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
