the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
