Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
