halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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