i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
