I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize