party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
