Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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