I love black thongs
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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