Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
