hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
