Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
